Everyone Hates Kaidan
by losingatlife
Summary: A Mass Effect fan-fiction featuring my female Shapard, Mara and the crew. Just what I think happened during Mass Effect 3 when Kaidan rejoined the crew.


Kaidan stowed his bag in the crew's bunks. He didn't have much, a couple changes of clothes, a toothbrush and his datapad. Being back on the Normandy felt weird, but right. He couldn't watch Mara walk away from him again. He had to fix what he said on Horizon. Mara said it was in the past. That she understood why he said what he did. That she forgave him. But he didn't forgive himself.  
Kaidan left the crew bunks and headed to the med-bay. Dr. Chakwas wanted to do a scan for some reason or another.  
"Hello, Major," she said when he walked in.  
"Hi, Doctor," he replied.  
"I just want to do a quick scan before I release you for missions," she said tapping away on her omni-tool.  
"The Citadel doctors released me for active duty."  
"I know. And I trust them well enough, but I trust me more," she said with a smile.  
The scan was over before Kaidan could say anything else.  
"All done. Healthy as always," Chakwas said.  
"I try," Kaidan said.  
"It's good to have you back on the Normandy," she said. "I'm sure the Commander is skipping with joy."  
"I don't see why she would be. Unless she's really excited about having another biotic onboard," Kaidan said.  
"If you think that's the only reason she wanted you here, you need to pay closer attention."  
"Maybe," Kaidan said. "I'll see you later."

Kaidan seen Liara sitting in the mess hall, eating and reading a datapad.  
"Hey, Liara," he said.  
"Kaidan, sit down and talk with me," she said setting the datapad down.  
He sat across from her at the table.  
"I'm glad you're here," she said with a smile. "Mara is less... irritable when you're around to distract her."  
"Really? I'm surprised she would want me around after what I said to her on Horizon."  
"Yes. That did upset her. But I doubt that will stop her loving you."  
Kaidan was silent.  
"But, if you hurt her again, I will remove your reproduction organs," she said calmly as she stood.  
"Uh... Okay," Kaidan said as she left.

Kaidan seen Garrus in the main battery and decided to say hello.  
"Hey, Kaidan, how are you settling in?" Garrus asked.  
"Pretty well," Kaidan replied.  
"That's good," Garrus said. "I'm glad Shepard didn't have to shoot you. I did not want to deal with the aftermath of that."  
"I'm glad she didn't shoot me, too," Kaidan said.  
"I probably should have shot you on Horizon though," Garrus said. "In the leg. Just to wound."  
"Ummm... Okay..." Kaidan said.  
"You hurt her. I wanted to make you hurt," Garrus said. "But she explained to me that friends don't shoot people that upset their friends. Silly etiquette rules."  
"Glad she had that talk with you."  
"I was only going to shoot to wound. I thought she could nurse you back to health."  
"Sounds like the beginning of a porn vid."  
"That is exactly what Shepard said," Garrus said.  
"I'll talk to you later," Kaidan said.

Kaidan walked up to the cockpit. Joker and EDI were going through their pre-flight check. Kaidan was still a little embarassed about the terrified scream he let out when he first encountered EDI in her new body.  
"Oh, hey, Major," Joker said. "Did you need something?"  
"No, just checking out the new Normandy," Kaidan replied.  
"She is awesome, right?" Joker said spinning his chair around to look at Kaidan. "I'm glad she's got the Alliance colors again."  
"Yeah," Kaidan said.  
"But you don't really care about the Normandy, you're just here for Shepard," Joker said.  
"What?" Kaidan asked.  
"I'm not stupid. I know what went on with you two before," Joker said. "I'm happy you're back. I like you, Kaidan. But, if you hurt her again, I'll have EDI break your legs," Joker said.  
"I don't want to hurt her, Joker," Kaidan said.  
"Good," Joker said turning back around.

"Did you catch up with everyone?" Mara asked after take off. They were in her cabin. Kaidan was sitting on the couch while she was pacing the small room while working on a datapad.  
"Uh... yeah. It was good to see everyone," Kaidan said.  
"Is something wrong?" she asked, stopping her pacing and looking at him.  
"No. I just realized today I'm not liked very much right now. At least not on the Normandy."  
"What? Who doesn't like you?"  
"I'm not a snitch, Shepard."  
"Let me guess, Liara, Garrus, Joker?"  
Kaidan didn't answer.  
"Did Garrus tell you his plan of shooting to wound you? Then give an opening scene for a porn vid?" She asked.  
"Uh..." Kaidan muttered.  
"They like you. They're just... Protective. Unless you plan on calling my loyalty into question and walking away everything will be fine."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I know. And so do they. They just want to scare you. They wouldn't harm a hair on your head," she ran her fingers through his hair.  
"How do you know that?"  
"Because if they do, I will hurt them. I'm overly fond of my sexy biotic."


End file.
